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i am only looking at behaviors. you have to look at it like this, she has known you a good quarters of her life, especially the formative years. she can not help but bonded with you in either a positive or a negative way. you also have to understand in those year rebel but they like structure and do better in that environment. they don't have to struggle on figuring what they have to do. it is the formative years for a reason. they want a parent not a best friend. when they have troubles they normally go to the parent for advice. sounds like you were more the parent in those years strict but fair. the fairness is critical. the boundaries you set up allowed them to navigate and in time know right from wrong. it is comfortable to know what they can and cannot do. of course they push against those boundaries. you must stop thinking like they think like adults. their cognitive skills are still developing and their frontal lobe (reasoning) is still maturing all the way up to around 25 years of age. she views you like a mother. so for her to choose mother's day verses your birthday, i believe, symboliy points heavily in that direction. she is too to play adult mind games shame on you for thinking this! that is more a reflection of your type of thinking not good! it shows what you are capable of. the bio-dad is a whole different can of worms. i don't know the dynamics of the divorce but initially blame themselves for the divorce. she was a bit so that not be the case with her. but it only takes a negative word or two to get her to think of blaming the dad for the divorce. she was not too to become affected by that. don't go blaming the bio-mom because your husband have painted a poor picture of her and the anger between them cause one or both to act crazy. you are possibly exposed to the crazy mom. so emotions it is hard to untangle things after awhile. this is all conjecture but she blame her dad, but view you as a second mom or a primary mom under the right circumstances but probably not in your case. so it is a beginning that she made contact with you. i would not try to push things to include bio-dad now or you lose this fragile thread. 
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